Special Services.

I Will Deliver Your Order In Person.

Anything you buy from my website can be delivered in person by me (Angus Oblong)!
For a fee of:
      • Uber ride from home to LAX. 
      • Plane fare from LAX to you. 
      • Hotel room for one night in a decent hotel. No shit-hole motels please. 
      • Plus $299.99 

This fee of $299.99 includes four hours of eating & drinking with Angus Oblong himself [all on you]. (More hours if you are fun to be around. But not more if you totally suck.)

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Suggestions for flying me out to you:

I Will Attend Your Stupid Wedding & Reception.

For the reasonable fee of $299.99, I will attend your wedding & reception! I know how important it is (for the bride) to not have one of her weddings ruined, so I promise to not do that. I will dress nice, be somewhat well-behaved (although I may lapdance the mother-in-law), and generally chat-up your guests. And get this, I will also bring a wedding gift!

Angus Oblong myself will attend your special day in person!
For a fee of:

      • Uber ride from home to LAX. 
      • Plane fare from LAX to you. 
      • Hotel room for one night in a decent hotel. No shit-hole motels please. 
      • Plus $299.99
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I Will Stand At the Foot of a Bed
Until They Wake Up.

Do you hate your girlfriend or does she have a deathly fear of clowns? Do you want your kids to listen to you or eat their vegetables? Need your elderly husband to have an early heart attack? I will stand at the foot of a bed. I will stand there until the sleeper wakes up. When they wake up & see me, I will slowly turn and walk out of the room for a fee of:

      • Uber ride from home to LAX. 
      • Plane fare from LAX to you. 
      • Hotel room for one night in a decent hotel. No shit-hole motels please. 
      • Plus $299.99 

If I am shot or shot at, I will be mad at you, the one who hired me.

Contact Me